And here begins the story proper of one man's pursuit..... of that which he was pursuing. Continue reading and you are likely to think of Jules Verne, and you'd be right to do so. But be not fooled - this adventurous, exploratory, dangerous journey into unknown mysterious lands is no fairytale. Against all odds there was one man who dared go where thousands had been before. In doing so he would see further and reach deeper into his soul than he had ever imagined.....
Allow me to introduce myself - I am Sir Col. Charles Charles Esq. Scientist, apothocast and explorer. As I sipped my tea and buttered scones one spring morning I realised these little dough dumplings did not satisfy the thirst for adventure that ran like poison in my veins. I had tried many unorthodox methods but my senses told me to stop. I could'nt stand on the beach anymore - the only cure was expedition.
I had in my time....
- dodged stampeding wilderbeast and brawling elephants in Africa,
- dipped and danced like a goanna with the Aborigine,
- ducked and crawled through the cavernous underbelly of Indonesia &
- dived to the colourful depths of the Great Barrier Reef.
Without a new expedition the poison would surely tear me apart - like swallowing a bag of needles and pins. Obviously it was time to dodge the yellow bellied black snake, pierce the clouds and climb to incredible height - to stand above the world, look down upon it and to call out "CALL ME KING OF THE MOUNTAIN".
I'd heard rumours of such a mountain on the mysterious, little explored, isle of Borneo. So I purchased and gathered the neccessary equipment and provisions and began the expedition.
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On first sight of the towering mountain I was confident it would drain much of the poison from my body, and probably also my soul. I felt the need to change the undergarment. The local guide (whose services I had employed to accompany me to the summit) let out a little whimper on realising what he had signed on for.
The guide, Joseph, told me the mountain was created by supreme dieties and dragons guarding treasure troves of pearl necklaces. So I named the mountain "Kinabalu", meaning 'spirit resting place'.
Using the sextant, aquired from Debbie's Porn Shoppe, I estimated the highest peak to be at 4095.2m. I named it Low Peak, giggling for quite some time at the irony. Furthermore I applied an accute knowledge of mathematics to identify 4 climatic zones through which we would climb en route to the summit: 1. rich lowland dipterocarp forest, 2. coniferous forest, 3. alpine meadow, 4. stunted summit zone.
After offering a few words of encouragement to Joseph, we took the first step towards Low Peark. We immediately commenced a steep ascent, cutting a path through the dipterocarp. Soon, by exactly 2081m we entered climatic zone #2 and were engulfed by the low lying clouds. Each of the coniferous moss covered tree trunks precipitated out of the fog as we approached........ then dissolved again as we passed.
The atmosphere was eerie...the forest mute..but we were not alone - pitcher plants of the largest size and varying variety hung silently, poised to leach life from the next inquisitive victim. Passive predators. Moisture coalesced on the yellow, white and pink petals of 1200 species of orchids, smattering the forest's limbs. And impressive boquets of rhododendron appeared infrequently.
(Joseph - Sabah)
The long hand of the pocket watch had completed two revolutions and we had stepped a mere 4kms (as measured on the Durawheel, pictured). The pressure differential across my atuned ear drums indicated we were at 2741m elevation. The tall foliage was beggining to thin. Small shrubs characteristic of the alpine meadow climatic zone abounded. Pretty toenail sized flowers bloomed from many branches.
Black eyed wrens and Grey Drongos danced silently in the sparse short bonsaique trees. The cloud had blown by momentarily and I remarked to Joseph "I can see clearly now". After catching his breath he proposed it would be a bright bright sun shiny day for our reaching the summit.
...then got on with the job of paddling several hours down Sungai (river) Sarawak. Picturesque, relaxing and adventurous..
Indiana Jones.....is a movie star. Our guide wore Diadora snap pants and unfortunately would not be competitive in a game of Trivial Pursuit: Malaysian Flora/Fauna edition. He was however successful in identifying the deadly Anti-Gravity snake, captured on film below.
Pork
